Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
why is half of my head shaved?
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