My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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