I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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