Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
