when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
