Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
