Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Found the puke drawer
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
