She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
