Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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