He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
