idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
