he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
