we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
