The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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