I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
