Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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