well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
