I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
