There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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