I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
