she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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