Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
