so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
