ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
