I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
