my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
