So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize