how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
