Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
