What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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