careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
