I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
