at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
