Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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