ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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