Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
