it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
