It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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