think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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