i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
