Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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