So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize