The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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