i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize