ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
