he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
