Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize