You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
