im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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