I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
