So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
