Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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