I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
