plz talk dirty to me
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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