i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
