Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
