Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
