I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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