you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
