guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
