this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
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I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
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It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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