Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
