I accidentally had phone sex last night
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
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just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
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You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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