You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
