I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
