dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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