Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
