oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize