alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
